i think i’ve found what i want to do. and i’m really thankful that God gave me a opportunity to observe a job that i could really see myself loving and doing for the rest of my life. but for some reason, i still have this hesitancy and i don’t know what to do with it. it has been a week since i was at the volunteer clinic, and since then i have been really excited about seeing the field of occupational therapy that i’m most interested in, but at the same time i have also been dwelling on a lot of anxieties that relate to the future.
tonight, i think i finally put my finger on what is holding me back from putting my full trust in God. i think i have this fear in me that causes me to not want something so much for fear of being heartbroken if it’s not God’s will. and the funny thing is, God taught me something real from stuffchristianslike.net about how i view Him. the guy wrote a post about how christians think that God will give us the opposite of what we want if we give our lives completely to Him, and although it is a really funny post, at the end he speaks some truth about what it says when we think that way. if that’s how we view God, then we’re serving a pretty mean God – and i just had a moment of realizing that my not-wanting-something-for-fear-of-it-being-taken-away is stemmed from my view of God and my lack of trust in His goodness. so today, God opened my eyes to this. and i am thankful. :] yay.
mm…I like…I’ve been struggling with this all year long and still am cuz even tho I know it is stemmed from my view of God, my view of God is only slowly changing and am slowly trusting in His goodness.
peej, i love you. thanks for writing this; i think i needed to read it. <3